Last night, I was minding my own business, at the local supermarket, when all of a sudden, from out of the adult diaper isle, an old man rushed up behind me, put his cane against my throat, and robbed me. I handed over everything that I had, but then he noticed I had an Obama keychain in my purse, and started to beat me. The old man repeatedly hit me and "caned" me while yelling "You'll be a McCain supporter!" Then he carved the letters "Mc" in my face with his dentures ... you know, for McCain. (Or I guess it could have been for McDonalds - maybe he was the Hamburgler???) Unfortunatley, none of it was caught on the store's video surveillance cameras.
After the ordeal was over, I went home and Jason decided to call the police for me. I chose not to seek medical attention, I mean, I was only robbed and beaten and in severe pain, but nothing too bad. However, we did manage to take this picture of me, and report it all to the news media.
My attacker is best described as a 75 year-old white male, with white hair that sports a comb-over, a black suit, red tie, and a cane.
Now just to make sure my mom isn't worried about me
I was NOT attacked.
If you don't understand the comedy of my post, please watch this clip
4 comments:
This was great. :)
Don't scare your sister like that!
Ha ha ha ... sorry Heath. Guess they haven't really talked about this story over in Jolly Ole England.
I thought it really happened to you too! I hadn't heard that story anywhere. That girl's a loser! They should now engrave a big L on her forehead intead of the B. (Which, why did she do it backwards??)
~Lisa Ü
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